Graham's True Stories
Number 29, The Harridan

A word of advice here. Avoid the combination of NorthWest Airlines and Logan Airport Boston.

I've done my fair share of air travel and have gotten pretty casual about weight limits on baggage. In fact, we carry on long trips to the States two ultra-large cases, the hard-shell type, into each of which you can pack, after stripping down, two complete treadle machines.

Of course the cases get pretty heavy - in fact so heavy that one man can't lift them. But this was never a problem --- until Northwest and Boston a couple of years back.

We had over-done things a tad. A total of four treadle machines, around six heads, a few miniatures and toys and, the biggest problem of all, 50 copies of Glenda Thomas's book on toys.

We arrived about 20 minutes before the flight - quite early for us – and manhandled, with the help of a skycap, the first case onto the scale at check in.

The attendant, fresh from her audition for the first act of Macbeth, spat out: “You can't take that one.” Feeling that here was a soul mate in the making, we weighed the other three. They came out at 65, 112, 85 and 90 pounds apiece. The harridan smirked that this would cost me $400 in excess baggage, as, the limit was 70 per bag. I appealed to her better nature, resisting comments about broomsticks, etc, and she relented, producing a cardboard box which I could use.

But, she added, this would be five pieces of checked baggage, and the extra charge would be $375. A saving of 25 bucks already! Things were getting better and, feeling I was on a roll, I declined her offer and decided to re-pack.

I want you, dear reader, to picture the scene. The crowded concourse full of heaving humanity and, centre stage, Maggie and Graham unpacking all the cases in an attempt to transfer sufficient weight to hand baggage on which there is no restriction.

Piles of dirty underwear getting under the feet of the crowds. All the time encouraged by the friendly attendant with her joyful cries of: “If you don't clear up that mess we'll call the police” and “We're over booked you know and if you don't comply soon I'll give your seats away”. Like it was my fault they were over booked.

We must have looked pretty pathetic for soon the offers of help started. A guy returning home to Lancashire took 20 books, his wife a New Home head. An American businessman strolled over from first class to enjoy the show and was given a box of toys to carry with his lap-top.

All this sympathy was upsetting NorthWest's employee of the month who loudly started telling everyone that it was not allowed to carry goods for other passengers. “Hey, lady”, retorted a guy from Houston, “my friend here has just made me a present of this here sewing machine and if I chose to give it back to him in London, well I don't quite see what the hell you can do about it”.

We made it. The plane took off with the same load that it would have had if we had not been hassled and, in the baggage lounge at Heathrow airport, bemused customs officers watched as various books and parts of old machinery were transferred to our three trolleys.

Needless to say, we haven't used North West since. Now we are American Airline customers and have no complaints. Mind you, we haven't as yet, used them from Boston.